New rule: If the hole in your jeans is big enough for me to put my hand into, then by golly, that's what's going to happen, whether you like it or not.
Oklahoma
It's unfortunate that the one strap that is actually working, is the one keeping your hair in place.
Arizona
Now kids, much like how you can determine a trees age by its rings, you can also judge the level of party in a person by the length of the mullet. Write that down.
Texas
So, this is either a cross-dressing nautical enthusiast OR..well, fill in anything, it really doesn't matter, because none of it will make sense.
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