Ramblings of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those 

cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. 

I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have 

what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized 

that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing 

husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is

'when you still have something on the ball, but you are 

just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, 

and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when 

your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 

'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, 

it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to 

be notified in case of an emergency.   I think you should 

write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible 

a whole lot more as they get older.  Then, it dawned on me.  

They were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.