Politicians and a Billion

The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
but one advertising agency did a good job of putting
that figure into some perspective in one of its

releases.

A.  A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B.  A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C.  A billion hours ago our ancestors were 
     living in the Stone Age.

D.  A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on

     two feet.

E.  A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20

     minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain...
let's take a look at New Orleans  ...
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)
is presently asking  Congress for
250 BILLION DOLLARS
to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number...
What does it mean?

A.  Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of  

     New Orleans (every man, woman, and child)
     you each get $516,528..

B.  Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in
     New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or... If you are a family of four...Your family gets

     $2,066,012.

Washington, D. C.
HELLO!
Are all your calculators broken??

Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax (Fed)
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration T ax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
(And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
And our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?
Can you spell 'politicians!'

And I still have to
Press '1'
For English.

What the heck happened?????

From a guy in Florida :

My neighbor is a "lefty" of sorts (Obama bumper stickers, gung-ho
socialized medicine, "guns should be banned", etc.).  So this past spring
I put this sign up in my yard after one of his anti-gun rants at a 
neighborhood cocktail party.  The sign wasn't up more than an hour
before he called the police and wanted them to make me take down 
the sign.  Fortunately, the officer politely informed him that it was not 
their job to take such action without a court order and that he
had to file a complaint "downtown" first, which would be reviewed 
by the city attorney to see if it violated any city, county, or state 
ordinances, which if there was a violation a court order would be 
sent to the offending party (me) to "remove the sign in seven days".  
After several weeks he was informed that the sign was legal (by a 
quarter of an inch) and there was nothing the city could do, which 
obviously made him madder.  I tried to smooth things over
by inviting him to go shooting with me and my friends at the hunt 
club but that seemed to make him even more angry.  I then asked 
him if he wanted to go to a Tea Party rally but again he declined 
my outreach efforts to bring about a better understanding between 
political and social opponents. I am at a loss how to reconcile our 
long relationship (notice I did not say friendship), any suggestions 
would be welcome. Maybe I'll ask him if he wants to go deer 
hunting, which opens up November First, you know, just a bunch 
of guys running through the woods chasing Bambi, then sitting 
around the campfire roasting marshmallows, drinking beer, and 
singing our favorite country songs to the accompaniment of Jake's
harmonica (he is a better lawyer than a harmonica player but don't 
tell him I told you).  I even made him a bumper sticker and that
made him madder than he already was! Anyway, that's life in our 
neck of the woods, how about yours? 

Three New Navy Ships

USS REAGAN 

Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective. .. ENORMOUS!

 

 When the Bridge pipes ' Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5 acres.  Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement. 

Capability

Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refueling                  

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years

2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft

3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28-ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet 

Size

1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline

2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall

3.  Flight deck covers 4.5 acres

4.  4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200  pounds

5.  2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons

6.  4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 square feet   


Capacity 

1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel

2. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days

3.  18,150 meals served daily

4.  Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2,000 homes

5.  Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones

6.  14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets


USS BILL CLINTON 

   The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton 'for his

foresight in military budget cuts' and his conduct while holding the (formerly dignified) office of President.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top

speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although

they cannot be launched on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the

United States at all costs.

An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America

offensive.  The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies

will sound very sincere.

In times of conflict, the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada . 

USS  BARACK OBAMA

Details are as vague.     
 But don't you worry....... ...he has a plan

NewsBusters.org - NewsBusted 4/9/10

Make Fun Of My Pitching Will Ya ...

Message to you from the President regarding

your wishes on health care...

Your Actions Could Have Consequences

Mexican Border

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
 

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
 

"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.

"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other."

"This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.

"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago ."

"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."